Wedding Season

Rogue Nation

Hello again! It's been a while since I posted today has been our lazy sit at home and watch mission impossible kinda day.  We are just laying on couches watching movies and resting for the evening festivities. 

It's been hit the ground running since we arrive with a Haldi each day.  Haldi or Nalugus, for those how may not have heard of them, are ceremonies in which the bride and groom are separately prepared for marriage by each of their own families.  

During these ceremonies the bride or groom sits with a younger cousin (of the same sex -- called the thodu penli kuthuru: accompanying daughter/son of marriage).  They are then bathed in blessings from the family.  As a symbol of their blessings and prayers each couple rubs rose water and sandalwood representing the fragrance of love that their lives would exhibit the sweetness of their marital relationship.  Then we rub a mixture of milk and turmeric. In India milk represents life and turmeric represents healing and wellness.  It is used as a beauty treatment for all brides and in the days of the Nizam or emperor used to prepare the ladies of the haram before they meet with their Nizam.  Then we sprinkle rice over the bride or groom.  Rice in our culture represents prosperity.  Women kick a bowl of uncooked rice into the house they leave and into the house they arrive in (their husband's home) to bless the house with provision and prosperity that no one living there would go hungry, have unmet needs, or unfulfilled desires.  Finally the Penli kuthuru (daughter of marriage aka bride) and the Thodu (literally means "with" or "one who is with you" aka miniature future bride or younger cousin) are taken to the baths. During the ceremony they are given a new sari by the aunt who hosts the nalugu along with fruit and nuts, sweets, & flowers. All these represent fruitfulness, the blessing of children, fragrance, beauty, and a reminder that your family clothes you with their love.  The bride or groom then changes into their new clothes and are lead back to the dias for a time of prayer, worship, a short homily, and spoken blessings from the family.  Followed by delicious food always!

We also attended the betrothal ceremony which is primarily a homily and a gift exchange between the families gifts that are very similar representing all those blessings and a symbol signifying that each family will care for the other family with the same provision, favor, and love as they would their own.  The grooms family enters the brides home with a drum and trumpet band to express their intentions of marriage known.  The formalities have already happened in an intimate setting between the two families over chai that the bride makes and sweets that the bride's family shares with the grooms months earlier.  

This ceremony is an invitation to the community to witness and celebrate the asking of the hand and the acceptance of marriage.  The groom had already proposed to her on a knee in the airport as she was about to leave with a huge bunch of flowers! so basically everyone has had this affirmed in ways that are important to them.  First for the bride and groom who have decided they fit together, then for the immediate families who will now be joined together in love and care for the newly forming family (super important in our culture that the marriage ties both families making them one), and finally for the rest of the extended family (all those families tied together make a formidable number of people who are ready to offer you all the help and or fun that you could possibly want or need).  

We've had epic love stories in my family which include arranged marriages as well as what many Indians call "love marriages".  The Bunyans can be loud and joking, constantly pranking, debating/arguing, and teasing but there are a few things that we take super seriously. Our bread and butter non negotiables are faith, family, and service.  We place a lot of time and energy into making the importance of valuing marriage visible.  Many think it extravagant or even redundant to have all these ceremonies and no one thinks it is easy or effortless or even convenient to do all these things.  Still I think we spend our time, money, and energy on things that we care about most.  Why not make the founding relationship of family a big deal to celebrate.  We all live different lifestyles but I think we do celebrate it to the best of our differing abilities.  I don't believe that there is one type of family that is best and I do think that celebrating and affirming support of what does glue us to one another (whatever that might be) is worth it if it makes each person feel loved and value.  I was reminded of my own wedding and how incredibly special it was to have our two families in the same space getting to know one another, dancing together, working together and enjoying each other's company! 

On another note:

Most of our young cousins have been going to bed between 3am and 6am just celebrating their youthfulness I guess.  Jake and C. Si. and I have been readjusting our nap time so she starts to sleep through the night.  The last few nights she has been up 2-5 hours so we are running on very little sleep and would like to celebrate our age and life stage with sleep.  I feel incredibly old saying that but here we are jet lagged and one child later all we want for Christmas is an undisturbed sleep.  Thank God for my parents who have been waking up with us and playing with C. Si when we've reached our max staying up capacity.  All of us have a bit of a cold but we are ready for the beautiful wedding this evening and to sleep all day tomorrow and maybe start to explore things around us a bit more.